


Holding my breath in the palm of your hand

by Snowflakesandangels



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, Canon Universe, Choking, Collars, Dom Bucky Barnes, Gentle Kissing, Light BDSM, M/M, Praise Kink, Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Safe Signal Use, Safeword Use, Sub Steve Rogers, Subspace, gentle dom Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 04:18:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13896096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowflakesandangels/pseuds/Snowflakesandangels
Summary: Sometimes Steve needs to feel the steadying grip of Bucky’s hands to ground him. It’s not always easy for Bucky, he’s still learning to trust himself as much as Steve does, but in the end, it’s all about love. And oh how he loves taking care of his best guy.





	Holding my breath in the palm of your hand

 

Steve takes a slow breath to center himself as he focuses on Bucky's fingers buckling the collar around his neck; they're both warm and cool, skin and metal working in tandem, sure and steady as they are in everything he does. Bucky slips a finger behind the leather to gauge the fit, and Steve swallows against it, sending a tingle of anticipation through his entire body.

"Too tight?"

"Nope. It's good."

Steve would have liked it a bit tighter, but Bucky's a better judge when it comes to pain tolerance; if it were up to Steve to tighten his own collar, he'd probably end up strangling himself. Bucky gives him a kiss before moving on to check his cuffs; those he does tighten a little more; he knows Steve loves the pinch of leather on his skin.

"You know what to do if you feel uncomfortable, right, Stevie?"

Steve suppresses a shiver at hearing his special name on Bucky’s lips; that single word alone is enough to get his racing thoughts ebbing a little; everything else is just icing on the cake. Before Bucky needs to repeat his question, Steve gives his right bicep a squeeze; their safe signal for the times he can't speak. Bucky squeezes Steve's arm in reply, then leans in to kiss him again.

"Ready?"

Steve nods, bows his head, waits; he's ready, he's oh so ready; his mind is so full, his skin aches to be held, to feel, to hurt, to know he's still human; his heart feels like a grenade in his chest the longer he has to hold himself together.

"Just let go, Stevie, I've got you."

That's all he needs to hear; just Bucky's voice, hushing him, calming him, making him feel whole. Bucky's hand moves up to press the metal pads of his fingers and thumb against the pulsing arteries in Steve's neck; not hard, a barely there pressure, but it's enough to make Steve dizzy with endorphins. Steve holds his breath to intensify the sensation; he knows he shouldn’t, not without permission, but he also knows Bucky would never deny him what he needs, even when he can’t give it to him. Bucky creates the safe space for Steve, and Steve adjusts inside it until his head feels right.  

"Grippin' my arm pretty tight there, pal. Doin' alright?" Steve's eyelashes flutter with a soft intake of breath, and his brain cells clear enough to ease his grip on Bucky's bicep when it's brought to his attention; he doesn't need to tap out, not yet. "Okay, Stevie; just makin' sure you're not checkin' out on me."

Bucky wraps his right hand around Steve's hip, holds him closer, feels the vibrations of Steve's breathing through his stomach where they're pressed together. He knows Steve's not in danger of suffocating, knows his hand isn't anywhere near Steve's trachea; still, he eases his fingers so Steve's head can dip slightly toward his chest. The leather of his collar creaks faintly in response.

Steve pulls in a shuddering sigh and let's his eyes drift closed; he's vividly aware of the collar and cuffs squeezing his neck, wrists, and upper arms, leaving marks that won't last. He and Bucky picked them out together, a matched set in soft brown leather with brass buckles reminiscent of his shield straps. The plates in Bucky's arm recalibrate, and Steve’s skin tingles in response; the fact that Bucky has a hand around his throat at all is a miracle in itself; that it's the metal one that had nearly choked him for real in the past? Incredible.

Bucky drops his head to take his own shaky breath. Steve trusts him; of course he does. And he trusts Steve; absolutely. But trusting himself with Steve? Terrifying. It's taken him a long time to get to where he is now; his fingers millimeters away from potential disaster; but honestly? He loves it, too. Loves that Steve trusts him with his vulnerabilities, his heart as well as his body; Bucky takes being Steve's Dom seriously, as the aftercare kit waiting on the bed proves; he loves Steve so damn much, taking care of him whatever way he needs is fine with him.

"Doin' so good, sweetheart." Bucky squeezes ever so slightly to make Steve's breathing speed up, and not from the choking, either; Steve's got a praise kink a mile wide and twice as deep. "Got no idea how beautiful you are, Stevie."

Steve feels his insides turn to jelly with every word; soaks them up like a flower in the desert.

"Just look at you." Bucky can barely keep himself from trembling with the sheer amount of love he feels every time he looks at Steve. "Face gettin' all red, lips all chapped from bein' kissed, skin chafing under your collar; nuff t'get a fella all kinds of hot and bothered."

Steve's face flushes for real and Bucky groans. "See? I told ya. Better behave yourself, Stevie; never know what kind of mischief you might get into."

It's Steve's turn to rasp a groan against Bucky’s hand; he knows Bucky can feel him through the sensors; delicate as they are, hyper-aware as he is... Steve can't find it in him to think much further than that.

"Talk to me, honey; tell me how good you are."

It's the hardest thing in the world for Steve to do; to say nice things about himself, to believe the nice things Bucky says about him, no matter how much he craves hearing them. Steve takes a deep breath, swallows against Bucky’s skin-warmed palm.

"I've got a good heart. I’m kind. I'm... I’m worth everything on earth, and you love me."

"Darn right I do." Bucky leans in to kiss Steve's lips without shifting his hold on his throat. "You're perfect as far as I'm concerned, and my say so's the only one that counts here. Right, Stevie?"

Steve knows Bucky’s reasons for keeping him talking are twofold; one, so Bucky knows he's not getting lightheaded, and two, to keep him from doubting himself too much. He's never had a problem with confidence when he's fighting, but love? Well, that's something else.

"Steve? Come on outta those nasty thoughts, sweetheart; you don't belong in there."

"Belong with you." Steve sighs as Bucky gives him another kiss, and another, and another. Bucky's fingers tighten for two beats, loosen for four, tighten, loosen. Steve basks in the feeling of letting go, of being held safe against all the troubles of the world; Bucky is his safe place, always has been, always will be. "Love you. Love you so much, Bucky."

"God knows I love you, Steve." Bucky pulls Steve's hips tight, possessive, protective; breathes the words into his mouth with even more kisses. "You're mine, Steve; don't you ever forget that."

He's Bucky's. Bucky’s to love, Bucky’s to take care of, Bucky’s to praise to the moon and back. It's not Steve's place to doubt Bucky’s words; not as his sub, not as his lover, not as his best friend. Nope, Steve's job is to do as Bucky says; to accept his praise, his love, his care; to let himself feel happy for once in his damn life.

"Never forgetting it, Buck." Steve melts into Bucky’s grip; hips, throat, lips; gives himself up to Bucky’s care, lets Bucky guide him to the place where everything stops hurting, stops spinning, goes still. Finally, being inside his head is a good thing; Steve floats on a cloud as Bucky’s fingers slip away from his neck only to be replaced by the softest kisses he's ever felt.

It's beautiful.

Bucky cradles Steve against his body like he weighs nothing at all. It's been a long time since he was able to do that; Steve is a gift he never thought he'd hold again; his submission is another, and Bucky cherishes them both. Steve goes even more pliant, smiles that loopy, crooked smile Bucky’s loved since the day they met.

"Ya really think I'm good lookin', Buck?"

"Sure are, sugar." Bucky kisses Steve on the cheek, and Steve giggles. Subspace is the closest Steve gets to drunk anymore, and he always goes for broke when he gets the chance to forget himself for a while. "That collar really brings out the blue in your eyes."

Steve leans his blushing face into Bucky's neck; even high out of his mind he knows all of Bucky’s ticklish spots. Batting his eyelashes in an offbeat half wink, half blink, Steve huffs a contented sigh and squeezes Bucky’s bicep. It's harder under his fingers than it used to be, but it's still Bucky’s.

"Had enough, pal?"

He never gets enough; not of Bucky, not of this; but he's getting cold and that means his body's had enough. "Chilly in here."

"Well, I've got just the thing for that." Bucky gives Steve a solid hug to ground him, then guides him over to the bed. Steve's aftercare needs vary by activity, but water, snacks, and fluffy blankets always fit the bill.

Steve sways a little when Bucky wraps him in a blanket, but it feels good, especially since he can feel his mind beginning to fill with noisy thoughts again. Bucky wraps another blanket around them both, then settles them on the bed; he gives Steve a little water, feeds him a little snack, then props his tablet up on the bedside table. That's another part of aftercare Steve enjoys; listening to some soft music while he catches a nap to recover.

Once he feels Steve's soft snores rumbling through his chest, Bucky takes a sip of water for himself; he knows he needs to rest, too, but his mind won't let him stand down until he's sure Steve's taken care of first. It's a habit from so many years of Steve nearly dying on him every few days with some health issue or other; that, and some not-so-great memories of a time when he thought Steve was his mission. He still is in a way, he guesses, maybe always was; right now his mission is to make sure Steve gets some sleep.

Snuggling down in his blanket nest, Bucky feels Steve snuggle into him in his sleep, and for now, he'll take all the sleepy cuddles he can get. Being strong for someone else is just as draining as giving up strength, and Bucky’s only human when all's said and done.

Besides, who wouldn't want to cuddle with Steve?

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've read so many wonderful, beautiful BDSM fics in my fandom travels, but this is the first one I've gotten to write, and I'm so beyond tickled!


End file.
